Cops on Reddit revealed their favorite things they caught people doing that had them roaring in laughter.
1. Watched a girl of about 13 steal a pregnancy test, go into the bathroom. She came out about 10 minutes later bawling her eyes out sprinting out of the store. I could have stopped her for shop lifting, but couldn’t stop laughing and thinking “this girls life is ruined, I shouldn’t make it worse”
2. Dispatch lets him know that its a lady that calls 24/7 thinking she’s the neighborhood watch. So as he cruises in towards this park he comes in all lights blacked out and watches from a distance. After a couple minutes of watching he realizes these people are playing hide and seek. They also look a little older than just teenagers. He gets out of a car and sneaks up to some of them hiding in a group behind some trees and bushes. My dad hunkers down behind them and one of them looks back and sees him. The kid freaks out and starts to run and my dad grab’s him and says “Dude shut up or the other team will find us!” The guys crack up cause now they realize my dad is down to win this game. He ends up playing hide and seek with this group of 21 year olds for the next hour.
The best part was about 6 months later. I’m having a Halloween shindig at my house and my dad stops by cause he wants to score some burgers off us while he’s at work. He walks in and a guy at the party is like “Holy shit, your dad is officer ****! He played hide and seek with us!”
3. Off-duty, Worked as a bouncer at nightclubs
Well they had teen nights like twice a week and let me tell you these kids that are 13-18 are worse than any adults I have ever dealt with while working a shift at a nightclub. We are talking about more drugs and sex than their adult counterparts.
The sad part about it that we can not just kick them out when we find them doing fucked up shit because the club is responsible for them. The only thing we can do is sit them in our private room and give them water until we get their parents to come pick them up.
A warning to any parents out there. Don’t let your kids go to teen nights at clubs. Most of the parents that dropped them off were not the brightest looking people out there. Mostly moms would be dropping them off while they were dressed with less clothing and looked like they were going out to party themselves.
The hilarious part about all of this is the groundhog. Its when we would turn a corner or make our way into a dark area of the club and you see chicks shoot up like a groundhog while the dude is messing with his shorts (usually wore basketball shorts for easy access I guess).
4. Got a noise complaint call where the neighbors inform dispatch the parents are out of town and suspect underage drinking and or possible drug use. (These types of calls are the worst because you can almost guarantee someone is puking in the back of your car and you’ll have to write a buttload of local ordinance paper). We roll up, throw the overheads on to scatter as many as possible and make a slow walk up to the front door. We play the “nobody’s home” game for awhile until one of the kids lets my partner in the back door.
We subsequently find around 12 teenagers and what appears to be multiple bottles of rum and vodka as well as several baggies containing marijuana and some pills. Upon further inspection, we find the liquor bottles have been emptied and filled with water, the marijuana is actually oregano and parsley and the pills were just aspirin. They were having a pretend party to put on social media but the strongest thing in the room was a Redbull.
5. My brother was once jumping his bike off the end of the public boat dock behind the city hall which also housed our police station, they had it tethered so it wouldn’t get lost on the bottom.
A cop came out, watched for a while and said, “I’m fairly certain something about that is illegal, but I can’t figure out what and it looks like fun, so be safe” and walked back inside.
6. two kids got drunk last year and climbed a 100+ foot crane. All the way to the top.
Best part? The crane was directly across the street from the police station. They were noticed right away and arrested the second they came down.
7. While in College we got the police called on us for a violent crime in progress.
When they pounded on our door we opened and they barged in. The neighbor reported hearing people yelling things like, ‘Shut up you little cunt I’m going to rape your fucking twelve year old ass!’ Along with a girl screaming profanity. When the cops saw it was three guys and a girl drinking and playing Halo the one just looks at the others in sheer disbelief.
The cop starts to tell us they were called in for a rape in progress and tell us how we need to be more careful and whatnot because it could have ended badly. During this time my friend is still on the headset and the other guys we were playing with are wondering what the hell is going on and are hassling him…and then my friend says with the cop in the room, ‘We were apparently raping you fuckers so badly somebody had to call the cops.’ And the cops just can’t hold it in and start cracking up.
They did give us a noise warning but no citations.
8. A few years ago a friend and I were walking home through a residential estate, drunk, after a night out. About half way home a police car pulls up next to us and says they need to talk to us. They say that CCTV in the area had observed us entering several front gardens.
We then drunkenly explained that we had been going in to peoples gardens and swapping around flower pots, hanging baskets and garden ornaments with their next-door neighbours.
One of the cops was laughing a lot and the other seemed really confused. Luckily they got another call and let us carry on our way.
9. one of their friends is hanging out the sunroof while their driving down the freeway. Naturally, they get pulled over.
The cop comes to the window, and says, “I don’t know what, but I’m going to find something to ticket you for.” He goes back to his cruiser and flips through his handbook for about 20-30 minutes.
He finally comes back with this huge grin on his face, and says, “You ‘over exceeded the limits of your vehicle’ here’s your ticket.”
10. It was after I got arrested for stealing alcohol from Target and I was handcuffed to a rail on the wall of this room while I was waiting to be processed. The cop was just passing through and asked the guy being detained across from me what he did. The other guy, who was around my age, said he was there for retail theft, but he stole a bunch of jeans. Then he turned to me and asked the same question. After I told him I was there for stealing alcohol he looked down at my shoes, which were a pair of really beat up Chucks, started laughing and said,
“Man, you should’ve tried to steal a new pair of shoes, because those are fucked up.” I couldn’t help but laugh myself and he kept laughing to himself as he left the room.
11. Not a police officer, but this story is going to fit.
I was 17, just got my learners permit which allowed me to drive alone but not after midnight or before 6AM (NJ older rules) and a bunch of friends I went to Applebees. I had a couple of airsoft guns in the trunk, about 3000 plastic bb’s and we all decided it was a good idea to chase each other around in the parking lot with the guns. Stupidly, I took off the yellow tips. Waitress inside sees us, calls the cops, cops show up. Arrest us and ask us to sit on the curb. After about 7 minutes of seriousness, they take the guns and bb’s dump them in my trunk and backseat, laugh and leave after breaking the airsoft guns. They told us not to play with these in public parking lots and not to remove the orange/yellow tips. Those guys took our beers too. Now that I think about it, we could have been killed.
12. Upon arrival I made contact with complainant and she relayed this story. “I was washing dishes and I looked out the window where all the girls (neighborhood girls between 6-9 yrs old) were playing on the trampoline. They were using a large rubber penis shaped device to hit each other. I ran out and grabbed it and turned it off”
The kids had no clue what it was and in their defense it was purple with sparkles and other inlays. Kinda pretty if not for the fact it was a 10″ rubber dildo.
Well I secured the item in an evidence bag and no crime having been committed I made a command decision to return it to the owner. I took it and rolled it up in said evidence bag in such a way it would unroll when held by the top. I then knocked on the dildo-owners door and when she answered I snapped it down. Using by most curt cop voice I said. “Ma’am your daughter secured your personal item and was accosting your neighbors children with it about the face and neck. At this time your neighbor does not wish to pursue charges, however I will need you to sign this evidence form (it was very detailed description) so I can return your personal item.”
I have never seen someone show so much embarrassment and humiliation as that lady did. She could not even speak or look at me. The best part was this other lady that was deeper in the residence that kept insisting on knowing what was going on.
12. Me and my high school gf at the time decided to spend all night hanging out and running around local parks and stuff, lots of fun. We ended with breakfast and I decided to drop her off after. I was driving this tiny Nissan pickup truck with a bench seat. She wanted to cuddle so she didn’t put on her seat belt and, instead, leaned across the seat and rested her head on my lap, very sweet and cute. Minutes after leaving the parking lot a police officer is following us and turns on his lights. She panics, sits up, and discretely puts on her seat belt.
Once pulled over, the police officer, a young guy, comes up and looks in the window at her, “How old are you?” She says, “18” and he asks me to step out of the car. I think I’m about to get a big ticket for not wearing a seat belt. Tells me “I saw you driving kind of unsteady and once I put on my lights, I see a young girl’s head pop up through the cab window. So, I know why you’re driving unsteady”
I’m in shock at the implication.
“I was your age not too long ago, and I get it, you guys like each other a lot, she’s a pretty girl, you’re just having fun. What I’m concerned about is that she’s the proper age, and that you know other old school officers would nail you for public indecency/reckless driving/something like that?. So I want you to make sure, in the future, you’re wearing protection, gotta stay safe, and concentrate on your driving when you’re driving, gotta stay safe. Okay buddy? Go have an awesome day.”
13. NSW Police officer, 7 years. (Resigned, shit money – since everyone always asks)
We got a call about kids (probably 11-12YO) jumping across back yards. They were looking for things to steal I guess.
We searched for them for about 15 minutes. Just as I was starting to get bored with it, I hear laughing coming from a drain pipe. It’s aout 4ft tall. My mate and I decide to head in. About 30m down the tunnel I come see this kid bent over on all fours, pants down around his ankles. His mate is bent over, sitting on his back spreading the first kid’s butt cheeks. There is a 3rd kid kneeling next to the first kids butt holding a lighter.
They were in the midst of doing blue angels (lighting farts) in a dark tunnel…
I had no fucking clue what to say.
We told them to come out of the drain with us. I advised them not to tell any of their other friends what they had gotten up to since they would probably get the wrong reputation and drove them within a block of one of the kid’s houses so the parents didn’t know they had been caught