Yep, some pretty sick sh*t. This got pretty intense, so I took out the really nasty stuff. Go over to dudecomedy.com for the full grossness.
1. Have sex while her dog watches. I stare back most of the time.
2. I lick her asshole on a regular basis for foreplay, drives her absolutely wild.
3. We have unprotected period sex every month. We have been together for about 10 years and married for about 3. I don’t know if this is normal but hey, we’re gonna keep doing it anyway
4. I made my girlfriend touch her eyeball to my eyeball once. It took my birthday and a lot of complaining.
5. She makes me show her my butthole. And tries to touch it. When I try to argue, she says “you get to touch, lick, and put stuff inside mine!” And i cant come up with a way to fight that, so I sit there, humiliated, spreading my legs. She does this only because she knows I’m insecure about my hairy butthole.
6. Before I go down on my bf, I tell him to make it dick move up and down slightly (flexing), and I get my face close enough so that it taps my nose on the way down. boop
7. █████ to mouth. We’re pretty boring I guess.
8. We’ll take showers together, and he’ll lock eyes with me and I’ll get excited because he’s paying undivided attention to what I’m saying. But he never is, and he’s always peeing on me to see how long I notice, and I always fall for it until he’s almost done.
9. On occasion when my SO and I take showers together I enjoy when he empties his bladder on me. I don’t know why I’ve grown fond it.
10. My ex girlfriend used to have issues with vaginal discharge, so one night we decide to start fooling around. It was pitch black in my room so I start fingering her while were making out. It was still a tiny bit dry so I decide to ███████████ ███████████████████ ████████ █ █ ████ █████ ████████ ██████████████ █████ ██ ██████████████████████ ████████████ █████████████ ███████
11. Earlier in the relationship, I let out a long-winded fart and followed it up with an “I love you”. With that, I convinced her that every time I fart it means “I love you”.
12. My SO sticks his tongue up my nose. And once he sneak attacks me, he has to balance it out by doing it to the other nostril, too.
13. My girlfriend’s farts are always silent and I really want to hear the sound of it one day. She announces every time she has to fart and I stick my ear next to her butt to listen. Maybe she’s trolling because sometimes she tells me that while I was away, she had the loudest fart ever.
14. When she poops, I have her spread her legs so I can █████████████████ ████████ █ █ ████ █████ ████████ ██████████████ █████ ██ ██████████████████████ ████████████ █████████████ ███████
15. This is just weird: I used to play a game called CPR with my ex. I would be on top of her like I was going to kiss her. I would suddenly look alarmed and yell “CPR!” At which point I would seal my lips around hers and forcefully blow into her mouth. It is a weird sensation to receive, and I loved freaking her out. She on the other hand used to ████ █████ ████████ ██████████████ █████ ██ ██████████████████████.